The devolution of manners, maturity and adulthood

By REBEKKAH LIPSCOMB
Published: June 22, 2008

What is it, this mythical state of being known as maturity? We approach it almost as if it’s a pill we could pop or an initiation we go through. We live it up now, because one day we’ll be grown up and mature and won’t be able to do those kinds of things.

And yet, each and every day, we’re faced with the depressing fact that adults don’t act any more mature (and sometimes less mature) than we do — sleeping with people half their age, abandoning their children and occupying themselves with meaningless conflicts over trivial matters. So how can we be expected to “grow up” when even our parents and elders refuse to do so? Better yet, what exactly is maturity? How does society define maturity as related to today’s standards — and adults?

The maturity of old seems to be gone. Make a mistake? That’s OK. It’s not your fault, it’s someone else’s. If it’s big enough, you can sue them! You don’t have to apologize or take responsibility for anything! Angry over something? That’s OK. Just beat the crap out of them! Or better yet, sue them! Or shoot them! You might end up on the 6 o’clock news and get free counseling from Dr. Phil and spark a raging debate about gun control! Of course, your anger problems stem from your cold and distant father and not your raging anger problem!

OK, that’s enough of that. You understand my point. Maturity has evolved … well, devolved into some sort of catchphrase used by corporate execs like “synergy.”

And I hate that.

I hate that manners have all but disappeared from this society. Don’t feed me that feminist bull — you can’t tell me it doesn’t feel good when someone, male or female, takes the time to hold the door open for you. And yes, manners and chivalry are part of growing up, of being mature. Being mature means taking the time to notice someone other than YOU. It means taking responsibility for YOUR mistakes and accepting the consequences without complaint.

Too many times (this is me included) we make excuses for everything. We have an alibi for everything. Being mature means taking time to LISTEN to someone. I don’t mean being there when they’re having a bad day to pat their shoulder and say “It’s all going to be OK.” I mean really listening to someone, and not only that but having an accurate response. Thinking before you speak. Being able to stay above petty emotions like jealousy, anger and pride. Keeping promises. Repaying debts.

These things are slowly going the way of the Betamax and the 8-track. They’re old, they’re outdated and they’re dying out. Why? Why are we left to grow up in a world where it’s OK to do anything we want without consequences? Is it the lack of self-sacrifice? The fact that we’ve grown up in a world where you don’t have to take responsibility? PC has become the new norm and it’s starting to scare me because PC is, in fact, partially to blame. It has taken immaturity to new lows. He’s mentally retarded, but still knows the difference between right and wrong? Oh no! Don’t make him take responsibility, even though it provides structure! That would make him unhappy and we wouldn’t want that! There’s a moment of silence in school, but if it gives the faintest, mostly untraceable whiff of prayer and ONE PERSON is offended — REMOVE IT! We have been reduced to children here! But it’s not entirely the nanny state’s fault. We have stood by and let this happen, whether from lethargy or irresponsibility, I don’t know, but we have stood by and let ourselves become this way.

What can we do to fix this growing crisis? I don’t know about you, but I shudder to think of what my adulthood will consist of, if this is the road we’re taking.

I started out just wondering what maturity was, and now I’m wondering if we can ever bring it back again. If you’ve made it this far, God bless you. I hope that you take these thoughts and questions to heart after you’ve read this. I don’t claim to be a prophet or even a great thinker, I just hope I can at least give my two cents to this problem. I know there are greater issues in the world today, but I think if we just stop and take a good look at the world around us, even the little things can contribute to the big issue. So like I said, just think about what’s been written and pass it along, and maybe together we can make just a little change.

• Lipscomb, 18, is a rising senior at Tunstall High School.