How To Get What You Want At Home and At Work

StatePoint.net
Published: July 30, 2008

(StatePoint) Whether you’re looking to get the kids to eat their vegetables, a good price on that new car, a new job, or a promotion at work, it all comes down to the power of persuasion and good people skills.

It’s no secret that improving your persuasion skills can help you get what you want at home and at work. All it takes is some practice and learning what works best when dealing with others.

“Persuasion is a skill that no one is ever taught at school, but that we use every day in our relationships with our families and to get ahead at work,” said Kurt Mortensen, author of the new book, “Persuasion IQ: The 10 Skills You Need To Get Exactly What You Want” (AMACOM). 

“Anyone can master these skills if they’re willing to take an honest look at themselves and work on what they need to improve,” he added.

Here are some tips from Mortensen on how to create better impressions in your daily dealings with others:

* Appearance matters: It’s a fact of life that people judge you based on your appearance. The better you look physically, your physical hygiene and how you dress all affect how you are rewarded. 

* Don’t try to force others to do what you want: As most parents know, military management can work in the short term, but builds long term resentment. “Do it or else” is not your best option. When you push people hard enough eventually they’re going to rebel and force stops working.

* Know your audience. Whether you’re dealing with your kids, co-workers or salespeople in a store, recognize that people are different and need to be encouraged differently. Moreover, the moment most people sense you are trying to persuade them, they shut down. What great persuaders do is help others to persuade themselves - whether it’s to eat their vegetables or give you a promotion.

* Develop stronger rapport: For starters, knowing how to listen is important. Listening is different than hearing. Find out what others want and align your goals. Find things you have in common - like you both came from the same town or share a hobby. Learning how to read non-verbal behavior also is important.

According to research from The Persuasion Institute, Mortensen’s research firm, when people like and trust you, you have a 90 percent chance of persuading them to your point of view.

With this in mind, here is Mortensen’s advice on how you can come across as trustworthy and build stronger relationships to help you succeed:

* Character: Who you are and how you treat others is at the foundation of your ability to succeed. It’s all about honesty, integrity, sincerity and predictability. People can sense falsehood, deception or insincerity. 

* Competence:  This comes from experience, so be a lifelong learner. Make sure you have the skills, knowledge and resources to deliver on your promises.

* Confidence:  Demonstrating confidence increases other’s abilities to trust you. If you’re perceived as doubtful or lacking confidence, others will feel that way, too. 

* Credibility: Be prepared before entering into situations, so others believe in you. Maintain eye contact and present yourself in a calm, organized and authoritative manner. 

* Congruence: Your words need to match your actions. The more consistent you are, the more honest and trustworthy you are perceived to be. 

For more ways to improve your people skills visit http://www.PersuasionIQ.com, where you can take a free online test to determine your own persuasive ability and what skills you need to improve. 

“Eighty-five percent of success is about being able to persuade or lead others and possessing strong people skills,” said Mortensen.