Lang Lang welcome to tickle my ivories

Scott Hollifield
Published: July 23, 2008

When I read that Lang Lang would auction off his red Steinway grand piano to raise money for an earthquake relief fund, my first thought was this: How the heck did a panda learn to play piano?

Those familiar with classical music will instantly understand I confused Ling Ling, the famous giant panda China gave to Japan in 1992 as a gesture of friendship, with Lang Lang, the 26-year-old Chinese piano virtuoso and UNICEF Goodwill Ambassador.

But those familiar with classical music are probably not reading — or writing — this column.

According to The Associated Press, the source I turn to for news about double-named entities (Duran Duran, Sirhan Sirhan, Zsa Zsa, Boutros Boutros, etc.), Lang Lang, in addition to tickling the ivories with the best of ‘em, is a pretty swell guy. He played Tchaikovsky’s First Piano Concerto in front of 70,000 people in Central Park, then announced he would auction off the piano with proceeds going to the American Red Cross China Earthquake Relief Fund. Bidding starts at $165,000. (To make an offer, go to http://www.langlang.com).

I admire Lang Lang’s generosity. So much so that if he starts missing his Steinway he has an open invitation to drop by my house day or night and play the old upright Carrier piano currently collecting dust in my dining room. It may be a tad out of tune having made the 100-mile trip from my wife’s childhood home to our house in the back of a pickup truck, but

I’m sure Lang Lang could still bang out a concerto or two while we buck dance across the kitchen floor.

I first learned of the existence of what is now our piano shortly after my wife and I met in college. Imagining myself to be an up-and-coming singer-songwriter of great importance, I was ham-handedly hammering out basic chords on a cheap guitar, sounding as if I were wearing mittens, when she told me of our musical kinship. She had taken piano lessons for quite some time. If I remember correctly, she began when she was a fetus and stopped eight seconds before we met.

“Wow, you must be good.”

“Oh, not really.”

I thought she was being modest.

“Can you play ‘Behind Closed Doors’?”

“No.”

“Can you play ‘Whole Lot of Shakin’ Going On’?”

“No.”

“Then you can’t play the piano.”

She was taken aback by my bluntness, but I told her to tell Tchaikovsky this news: If you can’t play the ‘70s fondue-and-polyester classic “Behind Closed Doors” as performed by the
late Charlie Rich or the marry-your-underage-cousin-stomper “Whole Lot of Shakin’ Going On” as performed by the surprisingly not late Jerry Lee Lewis then you cannot claim to play the piano, be you Lang Lang or Ling Ling.

“I can play the theme from ‘Hill Street Blues,’” she said.

Not exactly one that made me want to shake my tail feathers, but, true to her word, she showed me on that Carrier upright during a visit to her home.

Plink, plink, plink.

“Are you sure that’s the theme from ‘Hill Street Blues’?”

“Yes.”

“Are you sure it’s not the theme from ‘Mannix’?”

“Yes. I’m sure.

“Are you sure you’re not just bringing your fingers down randomly to strike the keys in no particular order?”

“Yes. I’m sure. I took lessons.”

Many years later, the piano, traveling on the back of a pickup truck, came to live with us in our happy home. I suppose we had visions of gathering around it during the holidays, sipping cups of hot chocolate, our little family merrily humming along to that seasonal favorite theme from “Hill Street Blues.”

Mostly, though, it just gathered dust.

So, Lang Lang, it’s an open invitation. Our home is your home. Bring Zsa Zsa and Ling Ling and we’ll make it a party. But before you whip out a concerto, there are a couple of songs I need to hear.

• Scott Hollifield is editor/general manager of The McDowell News
in Marion. Contact him at P.O. Box 610, Marion, NC 28752
or e-mail .